“Priorities” are a myth
This ALWAYS seems to come up with my clients at some point on their coaching journey. 🙃 For so many of us it’s harder to say “no” than it is to just people please… until it isn’t!
Trust me, as an Enneagram Type 2 personality I spend a lot of my time having to remind myself of this. 🤦♀️ Something I often ask myself and my clients is - “If I’m saying ‘yes’ to this, what am I saying no to?”. We cannot do everything.
To achieve our goals, it is essential that we keep the main thing the main thing. This means staying focused on our priority, and avoiding getting sidetracked by distractions. 👀 Conveniently, saying “no” and staying focused on the main thing will also help us to avoid burnout and reduce stress. 😅 People don’t like being told “no” in the moment, but how ironic that psychological and neurobiological research shows we end up respecting people who say “no” more often, including ourselves! And there are some really friendly, kind, logical and honest ways of saying “no” without being… how do i put it… without being a dick about it.
It’s interesting to know that the word “priorities” in it’s plural form is a fallacy. The original word “priority” obviously comes from “prior”, which in turn comes from the Latin word “pri” meaning “first, former, before, superior”. The very nature of the word priority is that it speaks to there being ONE main thing, a PRIOR-ity. The word “priorities”, the plural, did not exist in our language for hundreds of years because it makes no sense. It’s a contradiction. How can there be multiple first, most important things?
The word “priorities“ in it’s plural form did not emerge until the industrial revolution when suddenly society required people to do multiple things at once. And the technological revolution of the internet has only exasperated this. We are being set up to fail by our own language.
But fulfilment, job satisfaction and a sense of purpose at work (or in any business that wants to be truly purpose-led) rely heavily on people having a sense of progress - which is readily available to those who focus on the priority instead of falling victim to a scattered approach and being distracted by everything that will inevitably pop up. This is a tough skill to nurture these days with phones pinging, bosses demanding, kids asking, friends needing and social media scrolling! So we have to train this muscle. If you want more fulfilment, TRY to stay focused, and say “no” more. In time this muscle will develop and it will become easier as you begin to see the fruits of this behaviour.
If this is something you need and want to work on but find near impossible then get a coach. These days coaching is so accessible and there are some great coaches out there that aren’t even that expensive! You don’t have to be paying thousands to access a coaching service. Of course, you can, if you want top-shelf treatment and you’re ready to throw yourself into a period transformation and forward momentum… But it doesn’t have to be expensive or extensive every time! There are online life coaching directories (which include business coaching services) where you can hop on, find a coach according to your criteria and have a session online or in person as soon as the very next day for as cheap as £40!! It blows my mind. I myself have done this before just to try it out and explore the latest advances in the coaching field, and although it wasn’t the top-shelf more profound coaching experience I’m particularly partial to, it was still really valuable and helpful - An accountability buddy who’s trained to listen and help you think pragmatically. Amazing!
So coaching can help you get clear, focused and motivated to act on your PRIORity. As Stephen Covey puts it “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”. Creating accountability by hiring a coach is a good way to enforce this. But you are the one that has to bring your own conviction to the table and start training that muscle!
So begin. Try. One. Step. At. A. Time.