The Right Way to do Things
The biggest light bulb moment of not just my career but probably my whole life has been finally realising that there is no such thing as the right way. There are so many different ways. This lesson came to me in the form of the Enneagram (newsflash, I’m obsessed). It’s been life-changing. It lured me in by presenting an uncanny reflection of how my darkest, self-destructive habits play out, of what my shadow self looks like, because like so many of us I’m often ready to metaphorically punch myself in the face.
From flatmates in my 20s to social dynamics to office politics to the boardroom, I walked around feeling resentfully powerless, playing the role of the just-grateful-to-be-here young businesswoman. Not expressing my true needs, my expectations or the desires I really had about the way I thought things could be. Just resentful powerlessness. How jarring yet intriguing that this is at the core of my Enneagram type.
But once I pushed past the initial phase of just finding it validating, relieving (and yes, sometimes tough) to see myself and my patterns reflected back to me in such an accurate way, and started to explore the other personality types I was AMAZED at how much more the Enneagram had to offer.
There’s the guy who made me feel two feet tall and who I believed knew so much better than me - that’s exactly how he is! Wow! That’s interesting that he’s just operating from this paradigm - I feel like I have his instructions manual in my hand... And wait, here’s another one! That friend who fell out with me and whose ghosting I never got over, whose memory is full of pain and shame every time I think of her! That’s exactly the way she operates, the way she would see things, I’ve been on the other end of that personality type too!
And they kept coming. Every person I’d ever thought I was less than, every interaction I’d lay awake at night over-analysing, every friend and family member I feel enormous love and respect for. I could find every one of these paradigms, these ways of being, including my own in the Enneagram with striking detail.
It’s brought me so much peace. I’ve finally stopped focusing so much on trying to get things right according to other people’s opinions now that I truly realise that everything is just that - an opinion or perspective. There is no way of pleasing ALL of these personality types at the same time. So I’ve had to start giving up on the idea that I can make it in life by being a certain type of way. I can only lean into who I am, my piece of the puzzle and the perspective I can bring to the table.
It’s brought me deeper self-awareness as well as FINALLY being able to have compassion for myself in a meaningful way (as opposed to victimising myself which is a powerless place to be). It even maps out a growth path that is more accessible to you according to your own personality type.
It’s brought me a much more profound understanding of others and it’s shaping the coaching I do with other professionals looking for deeper purpose and connection to themselves. It’s been nothing short of life-changing, career-changing and hope-making for me.
Have you explored the Enneagram yet?