Enneagram Type 5

Sorry to put the spotlight on you, my dear sweet 5s - not your favourite thing!

5s crave a space of their own to bury themselves in information & learn about whatever topic they’re into at the moment - however niche. It’s often said that the internet was both the best & worst thing to ever happen to a 5, as they can lose entire days consuming material about a particular field!

However feelings based problems can be a bit trickier for 5s, with less systematic solutions. Relationships can be a bit of a blind spot for them as a guiding principle for 5s tends to be “You take care of you, I’ll take care of me”. They respect boundaries & desperately want you to respect theirs too…

It’s not that they don’t care deeply, 5s can be very nurturing given the chance, but their focus is often distracted by the other demands of life which feel BIG & the false belief that they won’t have the resources to deal with whatever arises. This can cause them to avoid even small social interactions for fear of being depleted of their energy, which they think is finite.

The worst thing you can do to a 5 is undermine them or imply incompetence - as this touches on a deep core wound. Feeling incompetent brings up a deep fear of rejection for 5s which they try to combat with knowledge & skill.

Despite the 5s cool, calm & collected demeanour they are very sensitive creatures.

Try not to smother them, but don’t assume they don’t want ANY connection. Ask them what works for them & give them time to think about it.

Let them have as much autonomy as possible about how they show up & you’ll find that in fact, they do… even if they have to hide in the toilets for a few minutes at a time to take a social breather!

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